


whispers in the dark

by x_ziv07



Series: tmsy stuff [2]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Study, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Homesickness, Light Angst, Personal Growth, Post-Graduation, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 17:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_ziv07/pseuds/x_ziv07
Summary: Overcoming one’s own insecurities wasn’t something that happened overnight. Now, Saya stood at the end of that journey, nearing the top of the hill that she had been climbing for so long. But upon entering university, Tomoe noticed that Saya was stuck at an impasse.Being away from home for extended amounts of time really took its toll on her. Tomoe was grateful that she still had Afterglow around with her every day. But while she still had her anchors close by to keep her at bay, Saya was drifting lost at sea.Saya's having trouble adjusting to her new life, dredging up worries that she thought she had long since buried. Luckily, Tomoe is there to walk her through it.





	whispers in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> slight revisions/modifications - 09.25.2019

Everything was in a haze.

Saya gasped, seeking a chance to catch her breath. Tomoe hovered above her, granting her that moment of respite to tenderly cup her cheek, then dipping back down for another toe-curling kiss. They parted and Tomoe hummed, lips moving under her chin and further down the column of Saya’s neck.

“Saya,” Tomoe murmured, breathing out her name like air itself. A hand cradled her head, fingers tangled in chestnut locks, and Saya’s eyes fluttered closed. She bit down on her lip when she felt quivering fingers slip underneath her blouse, trailing fire up the side of her ribs and tracing the wire of her bra, right below the swell of her breasts. Saya shuddered, but was unable to release the tension that coiled in her muscles like a compressed spring.

Tomoe began to slowly card through her hair and it occurred to Saya that Tomoe may had been waiting for a response. She reached out to pull Tomoe’s hand down and placed it back to the side of her face, nuzzling into her palm before slanting her lips over her wrist. Tomoe’s hand was warm, so warm, just like the rest of her. Saya peppered kisses in time with the quickened pulse, finding a strange sense of comfort in its beats. She silently lifted her eyes to meet Tomoe’s, a beautiful turquoise that glittered even in her dimly lit room.

“Saya,” Tomoe repeated in a low voice. “You good? You’re being kinda quiet.” 

Was she? She was so caught in her own thoughts—the fire building deep within her, how Tomoe was so, so good to her, and the gnawing idea that perhaps she wasn’t doing enough for her in return—that she hadn’t noticed. 

“I…” Saya began but stopped short, still trying to find the appropriate words amidst the haze. 

It had been a while since she started dating Tomoe and only recently that they took the next step in their relationship upon entering university to move in together into a modest apartment between their two campuses— though they made a firm agreement to have separate bedrooms to ensure that they could still have their own dedicated space for studying. While living together certainly allowed for them to be with each other more often, the opportunities to spend more intimate moments together were a rare treat. 

Between classes and her new part-time job, Saya made frequent trips back to the bakery on weekends, volunteering as much time as she could to help her parents at the shop. Her mother also seemed to be getting better too, spending less time to catch her breath and more time hard at work. Perhaps all her previous efforts to take better care of her health were finally paying off. 

The kids were older now, even if only just a little bit, and were able to take on more responsibilities now as well. Sana looked like she started growing out her hair. Jun’s shoulders seemed to square out a little more every time Saya saw him that she suspected that he might be reaching a growth spurt soon.

She also noticed how her old stacks of music books that were shelved in the bookcase in her room somehow managed to find its way into Sana’s room. A couple pairs of her worn-out drumsticks that she kept in her desk drawer mysteriously ended up on the floor of Jun's room as well. 

Curious, she asked the two about it. Sana and Jun grinned broadly at her when they happily proclaimed that they wanted to try to learn how to play an instrument too, just like their beloved big sister. Jun had already dived right into making a makeshift drum set with some old school workbooks, while Sana began with leafing through basic music notations and interpreting scores. They even went ahead to ask Ako for assistance on the days that Saya wasn’t physically around to help them herself.

Saya’s chest surged with pride and oddly enough, with a surprising amount of guilt that made her secretly wish that she was still around every day to watch them. 

Jun and Sana were slowly, but surely, growing up and Saya was no longer there to see it. 

Poppin’ Party was still going on as strong as ever, even with a few extra miles between them. Out of the group, Rimi was the only one that entered the same university as Saya. Thanks to an unexpected string of events, Kasumi and Tae managed to successfully pass the entrance exams to the university that Arisa had applied to. Saya could still remember the day that the two guitarists proudly revealed their exam results to Arisa, whose face contorted through a variety of emotions—complete shock, utter dismay, and unadulterated pride and joy—when she made the startling realization of the real reason why Kasumi and Tae begged her to tutor them during their last year of high school.

None of them ventured too far away from their hometown, of course, to make it easier to continue practicing together as a band when their new schedules allowed it. Kasumi was still dreaming of stars and as long as she held onto that dream, everyone in PoPiPa was still dreaming it with her. Their bonds were unbreakable, even after graduation. That much was evident in every jam session they squeezed in.

On the other hand, Tomoe unsurprisingly had chosen to go to the same university with the rest of Afterglow. And also as expected, she filled most of her time juggling her classes, a club or two that she joined, a part-time job, and the band—the same as always. It would only be until later in the afternoon that Saya would see Tomoe again back in their shared apartment. But even then, they still had to tackle their own assignments for the next day of classes before they could spend quality time together.

But the exhilaration of new experiences and the roller-coaster of emotions upon entering university were, to be honest, exhausting. So much so that Saya found herself wishing that she was still back in high school—with all her friends, with her family.

Everyone else seemed to be adjusting well to their new environments. But what about her? Was it bad that she still sometimes wished to be back in high school, together with her family and her band, when times were still much simpler?

Was that too selfish?

Lips grazed across her collarbone and Saya was pulled back again from her thoughts.

“Something’s bothering you,” Tomoe murmured into her bare skin. “What’s going on?”

Saya paused, suddenly feeling meek. “Nothing. I was just… thinking about a few things.”

Tomoe stayed silent, waiting patiently. She didn’t intend on telling her, but it looked like Tomoe wasn’t going to let it go it easily. Then Saya shook her head. No, no. She needed to be honest.

“Tomoe,” Saya started again, licking her lips. “Have… Have I changed?”

The redhead blinked, confusion flashing across her face. A pang of instant regret stabbed at Saya when she watched Tomoe sit up. Saya let out a sigh. With the mood gone, Saya sat up as well.

“‘Changed’?” Tomoe echoed. “How do you mean?”

Honestly, Saya wasn’t sure either. It was hard enough putting it into words. 

Noticing Saya’s hesitation, Tomoe tried again. “No, wait. Start at the beginning. When—or, ah, do you think you’ve changed?”

Her mind flitted back to Natsuki, feeling the gaze of her watery hazel eyes that burned, burned, burned, into her back, crying out to Saya as she turned heel on her and their former bandmates, and walked away without a word.

To her mother, with a voice so full of love and concern that it had Saya holding her breath, when she gently told her that it was okay to share some of the kindness that Saya so generously gave to others, to herself instead.

To Kasumi, who relentlessly ran after her every time Saya refused—forcefully breaking down the barriers that Saya had built—to convince her to pick her drumsticks again and grant her love of music admission back into her heart.

Then, to Tomoe, who wrapped her arms around Saya’s trembling body as she whispered fiercely into her ear, promises so tender and with love so immense that it brought them both to tears. 

Saya was sure that she had learned how to be happy, how to reach out to others for help, how to be kind to herself. The person that she was now was a far-cry from the girl that she once was in middle school. But one had to ask—how much was too much? Where could she draw the line from being satisfied with what she already had, to being selfish for asking for more?

Her life was already full of happiness. She was blessed with so many things. Her family loved her dearly and supported her through thick and thin. Her band were her life-long companions and she enjoyed every second with them. Natsu and the rest of CHiSPA unanimously gave her the forgiveness and kindness that she thought didn’t deserve, but craved for, nevertheless. 

“I know I have. I’m not the same as what I was like in the past,” she said at last, noting how Tomoe’s eyes widened slightly in understanding. “Sometimes, I just feel like …”

And so she told her about how she was still struggling transitioning into their new lifestyle in their new apartment, how she worried about missing out of all the experiences with her family while she was away, how she felt so uneasy without all of PoPiPa beside her. 

Tomoe listened to her intently, taking in all the fears that Saya tried to quell on her own but couldn’t.

“I guess I’m just a little frustrated with myself. That’s all,” Saya finished.

“No, that’s…” Tomoe frowned, then moved to kiss her lips. “That’s perfectly normal, I think. Just a little homesick, that’s all.”

Overcoming one’s own insecurities wasn’t something that happened overnight. Now, Saya stood at the end of that journey, nearing the top of the hill that she had been climbing for so long. But upon entering university, Tomoe noticed that Saya was stuck at an impasse.

Being away from home for extended amounts of time really took its toll on her. Tomoe was grateful that she still had Afterglow around with her every day. But while she still had her anchors close by to keep her at bay, Saya was drifting lost at sea.

“I… I know,” Saya said.

“But that’s not everything that’s been bothering you, right?”

“No,” Saya admitted with a sigh. “I didn’t know how to bring it up before. It’s just...”

Now, when it came to Tomoe, things became a little more difficult.

They had been in this situation several times, even before they started living together. It was like the air was charged with a discernible _ something _that always ended with them in a tangle of limbs and heat on top of the bedsheets. And every time, Saya hesitated to take the next step. It looked like tonight was no different.

All it took was a simple _ yes _and yet it felt as daunting as standing at the edge of a precipice. Tomoe always allowed her to make the decision to bridge the gap, but because she never was any good at choosing, Saya fell back on bad habits and chose the one that she didn’t want instead.

Even now, as Tomoe waited for her to continue, Saya shook her head again. 

“It’s about us,” Saya told her, “I feel like I’m ready—that we’re ready. But I—”

Unable to find the right words, Saya kissed Tomoe, hard, hoping that it would be enough to convey her raging emotions. Her chest heaved and Tomoe brought her close, holding her as tight as she could. 

“It’s alright. I know.” Tomoe said, kissing the top of her head affectionately. “We don’t have to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. No rush.”

Tomoe’s hands glided to the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles. But Saya only crumpled further at her never-ending kindness and patience. 

At some point, Saya worried that Tomoe would grow tired of her indecision. The redhead was a person of action, after all. What was the point of being with someone if they could hardly make the time to be together? Even worse was her constant tendency to withdraw during their intimacy. If Saya was holding them back, then… 

Saya shut her eyes, fists clenching at the fabric of Tomoe’s shirt as she shook her head. It was a ridiculous thought; Tomoe would never do that. But it did little to help to quell the doubts that buzzed in her head. 

“I want this. I do,” she almost growled out. She recalled the day that Tomoe managed to coax those same words out of her when they both confessed their deepest wants. It became easier to say again and again with time, but... “I just don't know why it’s so hard for me to—” she exhaled heavily again and pressed her face into the crook of Tomoe’s neck. The fire that boiled in her core now only simmered like water under a low flame.

“It’s okay, you’re doing great,” Tomoe whispered softly. “Take your time. We don’t need to rush into anything like that, if the both of us are not ready.”

Saya raised her head. “Do you not want to?”

Fingers trailed down her spine to caress her bottom and curled around her thigh. Saya let out a small gasp. “Of course I do. Just as much as you,” Tomoe assured, rubbing the pad of her thumb on the brunette’s leg until some of the tension left it. “But, uh, it is kinda scary, huh?”

Saya nodded.

Tomoe chuckled awkwardly, hearing some of her nerves slip into her voice. She was well-aware of Saya’s personal growth—she was there by her side every step of the way and she was so immensely proud of how far she had come.

And sure, they had been together for a while and they shared their own place to themselves now. It seemed only natural to progress their relationship further. But until Saya was ready, Tomoe was more than willing to swallow her own desires down. 

Because Tomoe wasn’t quite sure if she was ready herself, from the way she fought against the uncontrollable bouts of tremors that wracked her hands or how her heart hammered like thunder in her chest that it made so hard to breathe. 

There was a brief pause where brunette remained quiet, furrowing her brows as if she was mulling over her words, lost in her thoughts again.

“I love you.” The words tumbled off the tip of her tongue before Saya could process it. But there was nothing to be ashamed of, no fear of rejection. If there was anyone the world that needed to hear it the most, Tomoe was it. “I want this. And I’m trying! But I’m just…”

Tomoe nodded. Helping Saya through her homesickness might require a little more time to figure out. It wasn’t like their relationship was becoming stagnant either, she acknowledged. But it was probably for the best to find some sort of relief amidst the mounting stalemate. 

“Then, how about this?” Tomoe drew back to look at Saya directly in the eyes. “Next weekend, you’re free, right? I don’t have anything planned either. If you want, maybe, we can try to work something out,” she said then frowned. “Oh, but you go back home on the weekends. So maybe not—”

Saya blinked, a look of intrigue on her face. “Yes,” she injected, “I mean, yeah, I am free. I don’t think they’d mind if I come by a little later. The train ride going back home doesn’t take very long anyway. ” The toothy smiles of her younger siblings flashed in her head. Growing up, independent, strong, capable. Without her. Then the bright, lopsided grin of Tomoe. Leaving her.

Saya exhaled to dispel her thoughts. _ No, that wasn’t true, _she reminded herself. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be here,” she said.

“You sure?” Tomoe asked again.

Her response was only tilting her head upwards to give Tomoe a slow, hard kiss as proof of her conviction. 

“Okay,” Tomoe finally said, tucking a stray lock of Saya’s hair behind her ear, “but I don’t want you to miss out on time with your family for me. How about next Friday night instead? That way, you can still make the morning train.”

Saya flushed. Leave it to Tomoe to see through her poorly veiled excuses. 

Perhaps it was silly for her to so hesitant, Saya pondered. She already knew how it felt like to have Tomoe’s arms wrapped protectively around her waist. She knew how it felt to press her lips over Tomoe’s. She knew how it felt to receive love from Tomoe, and to be able to reciprocate it with as much vigor and emotion that she could possibly give. 

She changed. She knows she had. So why was she trying to run away again? 

“Next Friday,” Saya echoed, forcing down her unease down her throat like a bitter pill. 

* * *

When the day finally arrived, Saya couldn’t figure out whether it was anticipation or anxiety that thrummed through her veins. She was sure that her face burned with a permanent red the entire day since she woke up in the morning. Tomoe seemed no different, face flushed and voice shaky, when they shared a lingering kiss before she headed out the door.

Now with the dusk already settling into the deep black of the night sky, Saya sat on the edge of the futon in her room, drumming her fingers on her knee. 

Tomoe had only just returned to the apartment less than an hour earlier, excusing herself to finish up a few minor tasks and to take a quick shower. So, as Saya waited for Tomoe to return, she went down her mental checklist, idly toying with the loose waves of her hair that fell across her shoulder. She finished as many of her assignments that she could with the notes she had available from class, already packed her weekend bag, showered, and dried her hair. She had also intentionally dressed lightly for the evening, clad in a simple chemise that she bought when she went shopping with Lisa months prior, after finding that the summer nights in the apartment were warmer than back at home. By now, the nights were a bit too cool to wear it comfortably without thicker sheets, but it seemed appropriate for the occasion. 

When Tomoe finally stepped inside the bedroom with a towel draped around her neck and clothed in a pair of black shorts and a half-buttoned up shirt, Saya jumped slightly. 

Tomoe offered a small, apologetic smile and moved beside her. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“No, you didn’t. I’m just—” A deep exhale. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

Tomoe nodded in understanding. “Then, do you still want to do this?”

Saya reached over to hold Tomoe’s hand in hers and brought it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. “I do,” she said resolutely. “This might not be the best way to go about it, but there’s something I want to prove to myself. And to you, too.”

“Yeah.” Tomoe nodded again and tugged Saya close. “I think there’s something I want to prove tonight too.” Her other hand grasped at the towel hanging on her shoulders to let it fall onto the floor. “I love you, Saya. And if you let me, I want to show you how much I mean it.”

Saya’s voice was thick with emotion. “Yeah.” If there was any doubt before, Saya forcefully pushed it away. Because as Saya stared down the precipice yet again, this time, she chose to make the leap. “I love you too, Tomoe.” 

That was all Tomoe needed to hear. She leaned in to capture Saya’s lips for a tender kiss. They kissed again and again, long and slow, before Tomoe broke the cycle to whisper into her ear. “Saya,” she murmured, “if you start to feel uncomfortable or you want me to stop, then I want you to tell me.”

Saya swallowed. “Okay.”

“I need you to be honest,” Tomoe insisted. Her teeth grazed against the soft flesh of her earlobe. “If there’s anything that you don’t like or if you want me to slow down, tell me. Okay? Promise?”

A whimper escaped her lips, the sound of it bouncing off the wall set her face aflame with embarrassment and her heart burning with passion. “I promise,” Saya breathed, hoping that even if her words fail her during the night, that she could still be able to convey all the emotions that were bursting in her chest. 

“Tell me,” Tomoe’s mouth trailed down, following the soft curve of her jaw to her neck, “I want you to tell me everything. Tell me what you want.”

“You—ah,” Saya’s back arched, “y-you’re being awfully cheeky.”

Saya could feel the reverberations of Tomoe’s low chuckle from their proximity. “Well, I had plenty of time to think about this,” the redhead said with a grin.

“Since you’re taking requests, then how about I take you up on that right now?”

“Hm?” Tomoe paused in her ventures to peer at Saya.

“Don’t make this all about me,” Saya said, matching her gaze with one of adamance. “I want to know what you want too; I want tonight to be about _us. _Don’t let me be the one to decide everything.”

Tomoe blinked, then barked out a laugh. “That definitely sounds like something you would say! I guess I got carried away there, trying to act all cool.” 

“I know you were,” Saya giggled back, hand moving to gently flick at her forehead in admonishment. “But really. Let me look after you too. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.”

Tomoe tried to feign disinterest but the wolfish grin that tugged on the corners of the lips said otherwise. “What did you have in mind?”

The brunette shifted, tugging Tomoe to move towards the center of the mattress, which she easily obliged. “Well,” Saya started, with one of her hands sliding up the front of Tomoe’s half-buttoned shirt to disappear behind her head. Fingers tangled in crimson tresses and Saya guided their lips together. “That’s something you’ll have to look forward to, hm? You’re not the only one that has been thinking about this for a while too.”

Spurred on by her words, Tomoe returned the favor with equal fervor. When they parted, Tomoe took the opportunity to guide Saya onto her lap to give her the height advantage, a position that they have done time and time before. But this time when they went to kiss again, their nerves caused them to miss, noses knocking into each other. They tried again to correct it, but it only led to another blunder when they missed again—Tomoe went too high and Saya too low.

A laugh, bright and airy, bubbled out from Saya’s chest. The sound of it, finally breaking through the air of apprehension between them, brought first a grin, then inelegant guffaw from Tomoe, and she buried her face into Saya’s sternum as she tried to stifle it. Saya’s arms came back to wrap around Tomoe’s neck again, clutching to the yoke of her shirt as her body shook in a cathartic mix of relief and delight.

Because how could it not be so hilarious? Despite all their time together, they were still young, clumsy, and so very much in love.

They disengaged from each other, leaning backwards slightly to catch a breath, then shared a smile. The kisses resumed in earnest, as every bit as passionate and affectionate as before. 

Fingers lightly tugged at the ends of Tomoe’s shirt and Tomoe took it in stride when she noticed Saya’s dark, slate blue eyes fell on her collarbone. Desire stirred at the bottom of her abdomen when Saya asked, “Can I take this off?”

Tomoe nodded in consent and started to pluck the last of the buttons open. Her hands shook and fumbled as they traveled down her shirt placket. She stopped at the last button to concede it to Saya, who undid it with much more grace. With the fabric undone, Tomoe shrugged the rest off, vaguely registering how carelessly it dropped onto the floor when Saya traced the outline of her abs with her fingertips. She inhaled sharply at the touch. Saya nearly retreated, then returned, to lightly press her palm back onto her stomach to continue its explorations.

Her eyes met Tomoe’s again, seeking permission. They shared a thoughtful pause before Tomoe spoke. “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yes,” Saya said. “I want this.”

Tomoe’s hands trembled again, this time with a growing sense of restlessness, and fidgeted idly with the ends of Saya’s chemise. Saya responded with a gentle kiss and a shaky breath and pulled her top over her head. Then she took Tomoe’s hands to direct them behind her back. Tomoe experimentally ran a finger underneath her bra strap, found the clasp, and unhooked it, allowing it to fall forward for Saya to toss aside. 

Blood rushed to her face and Saya could feel herself burning up even when the cool air around them tingled on her skin. Saya paused again to allow for time to adjust to the new, very vulnerable feeling of being seen topless for the first time. It wasn’t like she was ashamed of how her body looked. While her stage outfits were never too skimpy, she had her own fair share of showing off more skin than what she normally wore on a daily basis. Besides, with how long Tomoe seemed content with taking in the sight of her, it must be a good sign.

The redhead glanced at Saya, caught her amused quirk of a smile, and Tomoe was immediately and completely flustered, complete with a blush that rivaled Saya’s own.

"Geez, Tomoe!" Saya laughed, fighting off the urge to cover herself. "You look just as embarrassed as I am!"

“Well, I-I, um—” Tomoe stuttered, her blush intensifying, and she averted her eyes to the side. “T-this is just the first time we’ve gotten this far, so…”

Saya lunged forward, intentionally pushing her chest into Tomoe, for a kiss. “Sorry,” she said unapologetically as she deftly unclasped Tomoe’s bra, “I didn’t mean to tease you. It was just surprisingly cute of you.”

The spark that was smoldering behind Tomoe’s eyes all but ignited. Now trapped in the redhead’s arms, a different sense of vulnerability spiked in Saya when Tomoe suddenly pulled her in for a hungry, possessive kiss. A groan rose from deep in Saya’s chest but was effectively smothered within Tomoe’s mouth. There was nothing she could do but to cling helplessly onto her shoulders when the kisses deepened—harder, faster.

“Sometimes,” murmured Tomoe, lips travelling down the length of her neck and breath hot on her skin, “I think you’re tryin’ to drive me insane on purpose.”

Before Saya had the chance to shoot back a half-witty, half-dazed reply, Tomoe had her pinned against the futon with a knee in between her legs. The words were lost like smoke in the wind when Tomoe nipped at her jugular. Tomoe dragged her tongue to the junction of her shoulder and neck—Saya barely caught the whispered words of warning before Tomoe sank her teeth into her flesh.

“Tomoe—” 

Electricity jolted up her spine and Saya yelped.

As if she suddenly broke out of her lust-induced haze, Tomoe licked at the welt tenderly. “Ah, oops. I think that might leave a mark. Was that okay?”

“D-don’t apologize,” Saya panted, suddenly short of breath. Her mind very briefly flickered to her wardrobe closet; there was definitely _ something _appropriate in there that she could wear to cover the mark, but she drew a blank. “And y-yeah. I-I should... be able to cover it up.”

Tomoe made a noise in acknowledgment, already dipping back down to plant kisses across Saya’s chest. She lingered over her left breast, just above her pounding heart. Her tongue dragged out a languid taste of her skin before she bit down again and sucked firmly, eliciting another startled cry from Saya.

Then, Tomoe pressed her knee into her center at the same time she took a stiffened peak in her mouth. Saya let out a pleasured moan, shutting her eyes and arching her back. Encouraged by the sounds, Tomoe continued to lick, suck, and nip, switching between hardened nipples as she pleased. Saya writhed under her and bucked her hips into Tomoe’s leg in an attempt to seek more friction. 

A strained whimper escaped Saya’s lips as a hand glided down past her navel and hooked under the waistband of her panties. The heat that coursed through her body was scorching hot, nearly intolerable when both Tomoe’s mouth and leg pulled away. Saya practically growled at the sudden loss of touch. 

“Tomoe,” Saya rasped with half-lidded eyes.

Tomoe lifted Saya’s hips slightly to remove the garment and paused again to do away with her own. She hovered over her. “Yeah? I’m right here. You’re doing great.”

Saya opened her mouth to say her name again but a moan rolled out instead when Tomoe slanted her lips over hers. She was only distinctly aware of her bareness for just a moment, but Tomoe was already distracting her from the thought with long, drawn-out kisses.

“Saya,” Tomoe breathed. Fingertips, feather-light, trailed down to her rest at her pelvis and the sensation alone was enough for Saya to open her eyes. Tomoe hovered over her, bangs sticking to her forehead from sweat, with a gaze so affectionate and sweet, that it had Saya melting even further into the futon. “You okay? Do you wanna keep going?”

God, she was so sweet. Even now as they reached the point of no return, Tomoe was still doing her best to make sure that Saya was feeling good. The thought made her heart soar. It was truly a blessing to have Tomoe as a lover in her life. 

“Yeah,” Saya said with love burning bright in her chest, “I want this.”

Tomoe placed a tender kiss on her forehead. “Then, I’ll start slow. Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Her fingers circled her entrance and slowly pushed a finger in.

Saya jerked, arms instinctively encircled the redhead’s neck again and nails biting deep half-crescents into her skin. It was a sweet agony, a very unfamiliar mix of pleasure and pain that hijacked every train of thought. But despite her mind reminding her to relax, her body tensed up at the intrusion instead when Tomoe added another finger. Saya winced in discomfort.

Even as Tomoe stilled when her muscles clenched down, the feeling was so foreign, so strange, that the pain began to override the pleasure. 

“Ah, h-hold on—Tomoe, wait—”

Then when Tomoe experimentally tried to go in further, Saya cried out.

The fingers retracted instantly, and Saya felt her body being lifted off the mattress and into a fierce embrace. “Sorry,” Tomoe held Saya tight, kissing the nape of her neck as if to make up for a wrong that she didn’t even commit, and the apologies continued to tumble out. “Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to—”

Saya hastily swiped at a stray tear that formed at the corner of her eye with the back of her hand. “N-no, it’s okay. I’m fine. Keep going.” 

Because, no. Not tonight. She wasn’t going to back down and run away again. Not from Tomoe or from herself.

Saya pulled back to cup Tomoe’s face and roughly claimed her lips for a deep kiss. “I-I can do this. Please. Let’s try it again.” There was an objection ready at the tip of Tomoe’s tongue, but Saya muffled it with another firm kiss. “Please. I'll try to relax this time."

Tomoe exhaled slowly. “Okay,” she said, nodding. 

It took only a moment for Tomoe gingerly guide her back down into the mattress. Saya watched curiously when Tomoe cocked her head to the side, as if she was tossing an idea back and forth in her head. Finally, she asked, “Can you turn over? On your side?”

Puzzled, but obliging nonetheless, Saya did as she was told. 

A beat, and the pause was long enough for Saya to glance questioningly at Tomoe, whose eyes were lust-heavy and dark, watching her with an intensity that made her shiver. Before she could ask what was wrong, Tomoe settled behind her, snaking an arm under her and pressing Saya’s back into her front. Tomoe’s other arm wrapped over her to settle on her hip.

Tomoe’s teeth scraped against her shoulder and Saya moaned when a hand started to massage her breast, tweaking the peak. 

“Saya,” Tomoe whispered, voice husky and low and so very close to her ear, “you’re so beautiful.”

Saya’s blush returned tenfold. A whimper escaped her lips. “Tomoe—”

“So beautiful,” Tomoe continued. “And so amazing. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Her hand inched further down, palming around moist stickiness. A finger, two, teased at the folds and Saya arched her back. The fingers did not do any more than tease however, content to rub at her with small stokes. It was gentle, just as Tomoe promised. Saya bit her bottom lip.

Almost too gentle, in fact, that Saya burned with embarrassment when she felt the insistent need for more friction gnawing at the bottom of her abdomen that instinctively made her hips buck. But they’re well past the point of being shy with each other. The instant that Saya made peace with the thought and accepted it, her muscles relaxed to release the rest of her lingering tension.

Tomoe made a small sound of acknowledgement when Saya leaned back further into her arms.

Saya gasped loudly when Tomoe suddenly bit down, gentler than before, at the same time she entered her again. The sting of discomfort pierced through her again, but slowly subsided as Tomoe continued to knead her breast while rubbing the inside of her walls as she waited for Saya to accommodate.

“Are you okay?” Tomoe asked, slipping another finger in and began to slowly, so slowly, push further in. “You’re doing so well.”

There was something about Tomoe’s voice that Saya always liked—loved, actually—but couldn’t quite peg what exactly it was until much later. She always regarded everyone warmly, friendly, and welcoming. Her voice carried well, fueled by her flames of her tempered, passionate nature. It wasn’t not quite as loud as Kasumi’s normally enthusiastic ramblings or as flowery and theatrical as Kaoru’s. Nevertheless, it was confident, self-assured. And during the times when Saya managed to really rile her up after a step too far in her teases, Tomoe’s voice took on a huskier tone that stirred up heat at the base of her stomach. 

Saya took a ragged intake of air when Tomoe started to pump a slow and steady rhythm into her. 

Now with her plastered to her side, her voice took on another quality that Saya discovered that she really liked as well. 

“Does that feel good, Saya?” Tomoe’s voice dropped an octave, murmuring silk and lust into her ear. It reverberated in the canal of her ear, traveled through the hollow of her bones, and seeped into her very core like a deep-seated aphrodisiac. The sensation of it—her voice, her touches—was increasingly overwhelming. Saya shuddered violently and squirmed in her arms, caught in a dizzying and torturous flood of pleasure that crashed into her in waves.

Saya opened her mouth because she wanted to tell her—how good it felt, to keep going, but all that rolled out was a tremulous moan.

“Tomoe, a-ah—”

“Again,” Tomoe said huskily. “Say my name again.”

Saya tightly shut her eyes, fists twisted in the bedsheets and chest shaking. “T-Tomoe—" 

Tomoe growled, catching skin between teeth and releasing. “Saya, I’m going to—I want to bite,” she warned, voice low, “is that okay?”

Another strangled moan slipped out. Saya settled for a nod of her head instead. The hands clutching her body drew her in impossibly closer, and Tomoe’s tongue tentatively licked at the nape of her neck then sank her teeth into her flesh again. That one was certainly going to bruise by the morning. And in the morning when Saya goes to look at the marks in the mirror, she would do so with a smile.

The pleasure was building, higher and higher, to an apex that Saya had never felt before. So when Tomoe finally delivered the final blow with a simultaneous twirl of her nipple between fingers with one hand and a roll of a thumb over her clit with the other, it was instead the tender _“I love you”_ whispered in her ear that flung her over the edge of release with an explosion of white that clouded her vision.

Tomoe held Saya in her arms until she no longer quaked and quivered. Saya panted heavily, struggling for air, and body collapsing into Tomoe’s.

Blinking the stars out of her eyes as she came down from the high, Saya turned around to face Tomoe.

“How was that?” Tomoe asked, reaching out to sweep away Saya’s bangs that clung messily to her forehead and caressed her cheek.

“Mhmm,” Saya nuzzled into her hand, placing a lazy kiss into her palm. “It was… Wonderful, amazing.” She tilted her head up to brush their lips together. “You were wonderful. Thank you, Tomoe.”

They lied there in the silence of the night. Saya tucked her head under Tomoe’s chin, mind wandering as her breathing evened out. Unconsciously, she moved her leg in between Tomoe’s to curl closer into her warmth and Tomoe sharply inhaled through clenched teeth. 

“Just a little sensitive there,” she said sheepishly with a shiver.

Saya nodded absently, feeling desire pooling in her core again. A wandering hand spread unfurled itself on Tomoe’s stomach, stroking up and down. “Easy there,” Tomoe grounded out, voice heady and rumbling, and grasped at her wrist.

Saya forcibly cleared the haze in her head as she recollected her thoughts again—the fire building deep within her, how Tomoe was so, so good to her, and the gnawing idea that perhaps she wasn’t doing enough for her in return.

Untangling their limbs, Saya pulled away from Tomoe enough to see the bemused expression on her face. She surged upward for another fervent kiss—and to Tomoe’s surprise—rolled them over, switching their positions such that she was the one pinning Tomoe onto the mattress.

Catching her second wind, Saya grinned devilishly. “What? Did you really think it was over? I still haven’t gotten my turn.”

“Oh.” Tomoe stared at her incredulously, as if she genuinely forgotten. Then she laughed as Saya leaned down to press her lips on Tomoe’s collarbone, making a slow descent down. “I guess it is, huh? I almost forgot that you were—ah—the assertive type.”

Saya simply hummed, making a detour on Tomoe’s stomach to glide her tongue in the firm dips of her abs, adding a slow lick below her navel that elicited a deep groan from Tomoe’s chest. “Hm, well, it wouldn’t be fair if I got all the attention tonight. Besides, I think you deserve a little reward for your efforts anyway,” she supplied, voice shaking. She stole a glance at Tomoe, who didn’t seem to notice in her lust-addled state.

Upon reaching her destination, Saya took a quick nip at the inside of her thigh in the same manner that Tomoe had done on her neck earlier. The action had Tomoe heaving, trembling in anticipation. A beat, then Saya tried a languid lick of her slit—Tomoe harshly hissed her name through gritted teeth with a thrust of her hips. 

“Tomoe? W-was that okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Tomoe’s voice was strained, face burning like fire. “D-do that again.”

Saya obliged, with a bolder flick of her tongue that had Tomoe failing to restrain a guttural moan and another rough buck of her hips into Saya’s mouth. Reflexively, Saya hooked her arms around Tomoe’s legs to better brace them down. 

Assertive, was it? That was what Tomoe called it. So, it was about time that she proved it.

Saya took a long sweep of the tongue of her slit, prompting a curse to slip out of Tomoe’s mouth. Tomoe was not one to curse so openly, mind—but the accompanying sounds of her ragged breaths and heated moans was what made Saya decided she did, in fact, really liked to hear this side of her voice as well.

Changing tactics, Saya continued her efforts with an off-tempo rhythm, alternating between long, drawn-out licks from bottom to top and quick, erratic flicks on her clit. The result was the same either way, she found.

“S-Saya,” Tomoe moaned loudly, her crimson hair splayed wildly on the mattress. 

Saya tentatively unhooked one of her arms from Tomoe’s trembling legs. “You okay, Tomoe?”

A groan, heady and loud. “Y-yeah, just—” Tomoe barely managed. Another long, drawled moan. “_Saya. _C-can you…?”

Saya prodded her entrance with a finger and Tomoe shuddered. The feeling of heat in her core started to boil over again from hearing Tomoe’s voice. There was a small part of her brain whispering the very tantalizing idea to tease Tomoe further before offering her sweet release. It was a bad habit of hers and Saya couldn’t help it sometimes—not when Tomoe was so easy to tease in the first place. Now at the mercy of her touch, it would just as easy to keep Tomoe teetering over the edge until she couldn’t take anymore.

But that wouldn’t do, at least not for their first time.

“O-okay,” Saya said, “tell me if it hurts. Or if you don’t like it.” And she pressed her finger in, slowly.

Tomoe hissed under her breath. Saya almost pulled out until Tomoe added, “W-wait. Don’t move. J-just gimme a sec.”

It was only a moment of pause, but Saya nervously bit the inside of her cheek when the moment held her in its clutches. 

She could feel her hesitation creeping back, crawling from the depths of her head and she forcibly squashed the traitorous thoughts in an instant. 

What was she so afraid of? That she would be so horrendously inept at being a sufficient lover? She just said it herself, hadn’t she?—that tonight was going to be about the both of them, not simply for herself. Tomoe already did her best to pleasure her, despite her inexperience. Even if Saya herself was just as inexperienced, choosing to back down now was no longer an option—not when Tomoe was already that far along. 

“Saya.”

At the sound of her name, Saya looked up.

“I-It’s okay,” Tomoe assuaged, with a gentle smile and eyes so full of trust and love. “Keep going. I want you to continue.”

Saya swallowed thickly. Honestly, how was Tomoe so good at that? How could such simple words provide her so much comfort and dispel all her worries? But of course it would be that simple—Tomoe made it clear over and over again how much she loved her, that she would always be more than willing to help Saya carry the heavy weights of her own self-imposed burdens with a sunny smile. 

Tomoe moaned again and it was motivation enough for Saya to gather her courage before the doubt paralyzed her again. 

With renewed vigor, Saya started with slow kisses pressed at her entrance. Then a single thrust of her digit with the flat of her tongue pressed against Tomoe’s clit. 

Tomoe gasped out her name and what a beautiful sound it was. 

Saya picked up the pace slightly, mouth moving in a clumsy rhythm with her hand. A hand tangled in the waves of Saya’s hair, nails lightly scraping at her scalp, and the other tightly clenched at the bedsheets. Surprisingly—or perhaps, not so surprisingly—Tomoe was doing her best to be gentle as she mussed with her hair.

“Saya—”

She was close, so maddeningly close, by the way the taut muscles of her thighs tensed and the unabashed moans that rolled out of her lips. So, Saya made the decision to indulge her, lips closing around her clit and gave a soft suck. Tomoe’s entire body seized and with a long, tremulous moan, she became undone. Saya rubbed the inside of her sensitive walls to allow her to ride out her pleasure for as long as possible.

It was only when Tomoe eventually stilled and released a shaky, content breath, that Saya finally pulled away. Saya licked her lips, using the back of her hand to wipe away the excess fluids as she watched with curious fascination when Tomoe struggled to haul herself up, even as she shook from the exertion from it.

“Tomoe, what are you—”

There was no time for Saya to finish her sentence because Tomoe roughly silenced her with a searing kiss, tongue slipping between her lips and gliding over teeth. The intensity of the kiss, quickly becoming messier and more open-mouthed, caught Saya off-guard, her mind intoxicated with the overwhelming taste of Tomoe thick on her tongue.

When Tomoe suddenly drew away, panting heavily, she grinned wildly. She wrapped her arms around Saya, holding her close, and dropped their bodies unceremoniously back onto the mattress.

Completely spent, Saya sighed in contentment as she settled back into the embrace of Tomoe’s arms. They eased into each other’s touch. Saya brought her hands to hold Tomoe’s head in her hands, sprinkling kisses under her jaw, then brought their lips together.

Tomoe skimmed a calloused thumb over her cheekbone. “How are you doing, Saya?” she asked softly. “Feelin’ okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” Saya said, carding her hand through crimson tresses. “Are you..?”

Tomoe answered with a chaste kiss. “I’m just peachy,” she said with a playful grin. “Amazing, and everything in between. You were great.”

Saya simply tucked her forehead into the crook of her neck, as they absorbed the peacefulness of the night in silence.

Neither of them spoke for a long while, though Saya wasn’t counting the minutes. It was the most peace that she had felt since moving into their apartment. With only the sounds of their soft breathing and the ambient sounds of the night that buzzed outside, it was the first time in a long time that the whispering doubts in her head were, at last, silent.

The tranquil moment didn’t last for too long though. A soft groan eventually broke though the quiet. “Ah, wait,” Tomoe groused. “We gotta get up. We should take a shower before we go to sleep.”

Saya let out a tired chuckle. She had half a mind to retort that it could wait until the morning; it was quite pleasant to stay together like this and she could already feel the tendrils of sleep wrapping around her consciousness. But Tomoe was right. “Yeah, I suppose so,” Saya groaned out as well, “just, ugh, give me a few minutes.”

With a great amount of effort, she hauled her body up to stand, Tomoe following in suit.

“Then, you can go in first and I’ll wait out—” Tomoe started, then yelped when she felt Saya wrapping her arms around her waist. “S-Saya?!”

“When you said that we needed to take a shower,” Saya grinned mischievously, leaning her weight into Tomoe when she felt her knees wobble, “you meant together, right?”

A blush flared to life on Tomoe’s face. “W-we really shouldn’t—”

Saya laughed, playfully pinching her forearm. “I’m only kidding! If we went at it again, I don’t think I’d be able to make it to the train station, much less be able to get out of bed.” She kissed her shoulder. “But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t serious about going in together.”

Despite that, it would be more than a little while later until they moved into Tomoe’s room, finally fully clothed and on the futon. Saya sat across Tomoe’s lap under the dim light of the small bedside lamp, busily drying her scarlet hair with a towel like how Tomoe had done for her when they finally hobbled out of the shower. 

“Alright, that’s the best I can do for now,” Saya said, stretching her arm out to place the dampened towel on the nightstand to the side. The night made the air in her room cool, but between the shared body heat that still emanated from their bodies and the exertion from earlier catching up with her, Saya could already feel the lull of sleep making her drowsy again.

Tomoe nodded, allowing the brunette to move off her lap and down on the mattress to join her underneath the covers. She rested an idle hand on her pelvis and Saya curled into the touch.

“You’re still going back home in the morning, yeah? You should get some rest,” Tomoe said. “I’ll take care of cleaning up later and maybe I’ll catch a train to meet up with you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the kiddos too.” 

“You don’t need to—”

“I _ want _to,” Tomoe intoned firmly. “I love spending time with Sana and Jun. I’ve considered them to be like family to me for a real long time now, so it’s no biggie. Really.” Her hand started stroking the small of her back. “And remember what you said about PoPiPa before? I talked about it with Ran and the others and they said that they’re more than willing to do another joint concert with everyone else, if you’re up for it. Marina-san and Rimi found a connection at your university, so we can hold a concert on campus if you want! 

“I heard from Himari that Kasumi was all revved up and ready to go. All you gotta do is say the word,” Tomoe continued. “I know, I know. I should’ve talked to you about it first, but this was all I could think of to help cheer you up.”

“No, that’s… That’s perfect.” Saya placed a chaste kiss along the bottom of Tomoe’s jaw, voice breaking. “That’s more than enough. I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to worry about a thing. I’m here for you; everyone is. It might take some time, but we’ll get through this, together. Promise.”

Tomoe grinned broadly and Saya felt the need to do the same.

Then she caught Tomoe’s eyes flitting down to the outline of Saya’s hips under the sheets. Tomoe awkwardly cleared her throat. “It’s probably a little late to ask but… Will, uh, will you be okay? For tomorrow, I mean.”

“Really? Now you think to ask?”

“Better late than never, so I hear.”

“Oh, please. You would be just as bad as me, if that’s the case,” Saya laughed with a teasing roll of her eyes. “But I suppose we’ll find out in the morning, hm?” 

Tomoe chuckled lowly as Saya traced her fingertips down the side of her cheek, lingering at the base of her neck to feel the steady beats of her pulse. “Saya,” she murmured with heavy eyelids. Her hand drifted up Saya’s back and over her shoulder, to gently take her hand and tenderly kiss the joint of her ring finger, eyes fluttering shut. “I love you.”

Saya exhaled, reveling at how soft and sweet her name sounded whenever it rolled out of Tomoe’s lips. She was really something else. How could a person make her feel so loved and warm and full all at the same time?

Saya shifted quietly as to not disturb Tomoe, to tug at the pull chain of the lamp behind her. The room was instantly blanketed with darkness, but even in the still of the night, she wasn’t afraid. Tomoe was here with her, as she would always be, now and forever. 

God, she was so in love with her.

She closed her eyes, listening to the slow, even breaths at her side.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is just another self-indulgent, unexpected fic that popped up out of the blue. All I was doing writing up some outlines for a much later chapter of "From Me to You" and it spiraled out of control into this. Then it became my first explicit fic, like ever, and now I feel like I reached some sort of landmark... 
> 
> Even though Bandori is set in high school and does a pretty good job at demonstrating Saya's own character growth, it does make me wonder how things would play out post-graduation. Moving out and going to university is an exciting of a time as it is stressful, and I think Saya especially, would have the hardest time adjusting to the new environment. Tomoe is a good complement to this because where Saya may falter, Tomoe would be there to support her through the end. So this is like my two cents of the culmination of her personal journey. 
> 
> I have also learned during the process of this fic that I very much like the idea that Saya and Tomoe can be both be tops. That's some good stuff right there.
> 
> Anyway, anyway. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Hopefully it was at least somewhat enjoyable?


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